Have you realized it yet that earth is a spiritual
collective daycamp center for lost souls?
or that many of the populace are unconscious,
simply "moveable pieces" who don't have one?

 People who drink or abuse their neurological systems with drugs to an irreparable point have moments where their internal "djinns" or stored tensions and "other side" they always hide from public light take them over.  If you have to babysit or tend to these people because they are friends or they are family or you are in places of life where they share space or connection it is like being alongside some sort of vampire or sick and twisted sort of person.
When their sense of that self turns "on" and the "thing" comes out,
something that werewolf, vampire films, and other fables make reference to, by turn of examples of the psyche,
you have to feel that aspect of tortured souls who use emotional overload to gain control of a situation.
It is said the most loud and emotional person in a  group is the person who owns the room.

I want to condemn and denounce any friends in my life who tried to talk down to me when I was there for them, when they were going through their drug bents and I had to soberly stand by. Then they moved onto better things later on and tried to feign all of this spiritual preaching to me when I myself was in hard places mainly having to watch after mentally ill people who themselves still drugged and drank themselves into mental stasis or actual brain damaged results.
A lot of it ruined my life in ways that are still repairable, but I have little sympathy or empathy toward destructive drug users or immense alcoholics.  I can still get myself out of or save myself from these situations of being locked into or held too tightly into associations of those I feel their lives will fail without my being there.  But it had corrupted and neglected my own life in the process.
I do not want to feel spite or bad feelings toward people yet when I get thrown that
expectation of living some privileged life or when people pretend to know anything about me,
I can say that some of the things I have to face and survive through each day are things they would have caved into.
And lately  I do not at all like looking and seeing what is an ugly or dying civilization.
But I owe it to myself to have a space of peace, peacefulness and productivity today.
My friends who blew me off when I needed some help that I had granted to them or tried my best when they needed it, I feel so cold toward and bummed out by, for when I have no damned place to go or any leverage of uplift and every day I try with energy and intent to make something better.

Meanwhile the people who used my kindness have this wishy washy sort of advance into having entered the world by this point.  But I don't feel or sense real raw soul or any escaping what is their beyond their masks at this point.
So its hard to meet or to trust new people when a lineup of people you thought were true had in ways proved to of not been true.

I'm disgusted by the sympathy given to abusive and destructive addicts and alcoholics.
How much it deteriorates and stupefies the brain, a gift of  consciousness and a tool or creation,
done so self-selectively, is a viewpoint I think I will permanently carry in my life.

I will rebound from all of this I have had thrown in my lap to cater to.
Yet as far as friends and family or thinking you can trust and have people close in your existence,
You'll find from whatever projects and expressions I have left in my palette that I would still like to work through, 
that you'll confuse my striving within myself as coldness.
I have just been wrung out, however, of having seen it all too much.
Again I explain it, also, the Earth experience to in a way be a very, very immense kind of
collective daycare center. 
All of so much of the compassion advertised by so many human beings seems to be
such a deepened kind of put-on. 

jack o lantern head

 

 direct youtube link
alternative rumble.com video upload (sometimes  better audio/vid quality!)
patreon extra content post with these songs + extended intrumental for  download

 Hi Hey
I was really without sleep for some days and under the weath a bit, so I didn't want my mug to be recorded. But I wanted to play some songs.
And get some riffs and drafts recorded.
So I carved about 4 pumpkins in 2 days. Decided a lantern head is the best option to this situation. As I wanted these song drafts or ideas recorded to re-work later.

The latter end of this was uploaded a few ago as a separate vid. But I stuck it into here as a music journal I guess you'd say. Playing on a yamaha fg830 10/21/2023 improvising some tracks.

video archives added over with closes local files randomly added as a "media collage randomization" technique that Burroughs I think used via in text and some authors and artists and musicians used a good bit in a popularization revival of it in the early 70s.  
So I do that with some footage if editing drafts such as this.

Hey so spirits or persona souls kind of dip into the world and collect certain inspirations so some of those in the playing are a bit of Sumeria, Bohemia, American Blues, Irish poetry, earlier style rock'n'roll.
It's really a nasty and annoying game to niche and genre stuff though I have trouble with that. I realize I magnet in people that get more pyssed or judgy about what I do than people who like it, haw haw haw, but that's life in the modern web world.
But it feels uplifting and healing to play, no matter that thing,  
and when playing its very true that rock or that spirit of rock music playing is a soulful and imminent visitation to some kind of experience. Which comes to answer "why improvise songs all the time?"  I think its fun to let them live in their direct and needed moment. and if played again later on then its fine. But there's some pallette of a spiritual experience where others yell at ya to go to church or believe their whole this thing or that thing.
Like, well, I'd rather bond with this wood instrument and do this it's one of the few things that make me happy.

I'll have the two files of this onto https://www.patreon.com/lomemarsupial  even if they're constructing or b-side material. I put a lot of projects and full albums up there.  Gas money to next shows or hard drives to store more stuff on or re-signing up to distrokid.  Get creative online and we all become beggars aye? Shyte I mean its economic apocalypse, very neat.
spotify is https://open.spotify.com/artist/0kBvq9fPHQivusr4ZjdAiG
Main site https://www.lomemarsupial.com
not sparming all the rest of the links.

Going to try to rest up better so I dont have to stuff a jack o lantern over my head,
thanks have a noice weekend.

 Lord Creation,
Keep alcoholics
and druggies
and the deranged out of my life.
Let them save themselves
or figuring out their answers.
I am not their answer,
or their pitfall,
or their spongue or energy usurpant.

I have futures to create.
Likely heal this world,
many are insane
and it drives you that way too
if you are engulfed around it so often.

When the damaged act like
vicious children and horrible ill intentive
poisons, even those the closest to you
show the true side to many faces.

Cassette Mysteries 1

 Cassette Mysteries 1: Top Pop Classics of the Astral Realm  2005-2006

 some era 2005-2006 cassette mystery vol. 1
with slideshow of photos I'd taken from that time of recording added in at random.
1. Removing a tick 4_09 0:00
2. Supermarket at 5 AM 1_54 4:09
3. Continuing 0_19 6:03
4. Life is the Show 2_48 6:23
5. Spoken Word Last Time You'll See Me 0_29 9:12
6. Friendly Town 1 2_17 9:31
7. Friendly Town 2 5_38 12:01
8. Acoustic Time Remainder 2_08 17:40
9. Alien Sawdust 1_00 19:49
10. Hey You In The Box Upside Down Upright 12_16 20:49
11. Put Me In A Good Mind 5_53 33:06
12. Organizing World 62 3_57 38:59
13. Susie Q 2_34 42:57
14. Interlude 3_38 45:32
15. Extra 3_32 46:30

 tracks are as high quality not youtube compressed downloads at this post on patreon
where other downloads and podcasts vlogs albums this and that are there

 

 

 

writeup from youtube:

songs are in wav form here if for some reason you like them and want them in higher-than-youtube-buffering quality.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/top-pop...
of if you want to support.

Mostly early 'n' young Leemonster songwriting from newly found or revisited song recording sessions.  
Nothing complicated and don't expect too much, just thought it'd be fun to go through.
Other more built up versions of some of these songs went onto Top Pop Classics of the Astral Realm and also Shadow Swoon:Hiss the Dead Man
which this cassette  upload is a "hype" for the release of.

Some tongue in cheek humor and social commentary on the debri of civilization and shytty living conditions in most of this era of folk and poet and minimal acoustic rock.
Talkin' about how I'm okay with that again, in some vlog, kind of abandoned or forced myself to forget about it.  

Have some other  (pretty exhausted but enthused nonetheless) music vlogs and general chats to upload and some live recordings from playing out a few times.
Will have sturdier and more bonafide material on final or "official" releases and'm just having fun with all of this until then. and maintaining to stay creative.

Music released as Leemonster
Art and sounds LTG Music all rights reserved
Lome Marsupial 2023 lomemarsupial.com

A note

 tired of taking care of my mentally ill mother. she is an insane evil psycho. ruins anything and everyone. expected to save her life and belongings all the time because she is a constant drunk who ruined her own brain in a physical sense.  stressed my grandparents out beyond oblivion.
is a negative force of absolute miserableness. 
feed more money to that person-- that thing-- all the time while not being able to focus or to take care of the self.
sometimes I pray life takes her because it is that much sabotage and misery and just plain terrible meanness.
I had my grandparents die, my dad die, I'm an only child.
All my life I had an extreme alcoholic psycho as a mother and I should just let her lose everything
so I can be free from that terrible burden and nasty human being.
I've worked my ass off in so many areas of my life and yet still feel
somehow responsible to keep that person who switches moods like nobody else would ever believe,
to pay for this or that for them. But she blows it all the time with literal screaming at the top of her lungs. And should be locked into a psych ward for being such an absolute unstable person who is so dysfunctional that if I write or attempt to mention it whatsoever I have the idea first of all that nobody would ever believe me and yet too that no one would really get it.

In my own works of music and such I suppose it seems I go off the hinges or act silly or perhaps intense or questionable yet those are modes of character or a performance, etc.
When you live with or have a family member who is or who has over time become mentally ill and in a way where they are sufferable or mean as hell to you or what feels like evil or "vampiric" in extreme ways then there is that separation between ever talking about it and also the established figuring that you are going to get attacked or held to blame and given hasty judgement.
Because of having to try and essentially babysit somebody who is deeply deeply unwell,
and deeply unmanageable, and who acts out in such childish and mentally adolescent ways,
All of which alcoholics "tap into" which leads it to be that:
all of the same problems they have to deal with still remain and have to be approached,
after they are done consuming alcohol and making people pushed so very far away
and their bodies, senses and especially their minds are damaged
in sometimes irreversable and long term ways.

This is why I have been so hasty at points and posting and then erasing some thing
for a long while. And it is also why I call out places that end up censoring me
or making me difficult to have a career or connectivity online when the whole "SJW" as hire for admin on so many sites came to be, because it is what I have--- outlets to express things that I as a sober person creates and have as what makes me happy or get through each day beyond anything else.
And those things become taken away from me by what I believe itself to be a mentally unhinged collective society.
So when where I had grown up and laid my head to hope to rest, but hardly have, is a place of burden and had been trauma, the exterior world that talks so often of "progress" or "acceptance" seems so full of it when my opportunities there are nilled and I become censored by people who in many cases pretend to have it tough, while I never go around seeking victim points or really ever publicly talked about all of the crazy and traumatic endeavors I have been through.
Mainly in that because of whatever attributes for victim point empathy allowance I fit,
I am met just as much with more evil or nastiness or judgement by a collective who think they know,
but do not know very well and surely do not know with a heart they say they have.

That is what I feel like saying.
and each time I am able to make anything that is not a reflection or opening out of all the things I have to struggle or deal with --- if I can craft and make from places of my imagination and to just nevermind the things I have to see or energetically and whole body feel, behind the scenes are so many things I do want to say.  But I know that person is mentally ill now  and at times beyond a point of being able to be saved.
I have been so pissed and cannot understand the people I thought were close and watching me battle trying to help with my own life someone I eventually realized I came into being an adult yet having to care for because they'd lose it all. But it takes parts of my soul out of myself and I find that person to be a cruel and unmanageable, theoretically insane woman. A very destructive and damned kind of person-- into which I'd never touch a drink in my life for let's say after some temporary time where I worked a miserable employment in retail and occasionally did drink for I think an amount of under one year. And I disliked that very much. 
But I think much of the nation is medicated or drugged or administrated to drugs to a point of soul abandon.
I don't want to say things like this but I can't tell my friends and there's no family hardly left these days,
and I see pretenders or souls who say they mean well, but I'd been left to my very own having to figure it out for so long.  And when I needed anybody all I'd gotten very much were the signs of absolute clarity that it's just me, while others left for free rides and used what they could out of me along the way.
So if there is any brightness left from me at all then consider it a miracle in ways.
Because when it feels like the world against me when even wanting and pushing your beingness to opportunities, you can't really totally undo traumas you were either raised with or saw those close in your lives actual destroy themselves with.
I cannot save that person and do not owe anything to be tortured by people who they themselves cannot get better at all.

I am an absolute coffee addict and havent gotten good or healthy sleep in decades. And do not feel to belong many of the places I go or traverse.
I feel like the odd person out for not being on drugs or being addicted to things or for caring about or filling my life or head with media popular subjects.
I am more than capable for bringing fresh and new creative styles and at least passion and exploration into the crafts and mediums I work with.
I get odd looks and empty promises from people and see those who do succeed and the things they'd have to do in getting there, which is either sick things behind the scenes or networking and nepotism from an absolute securing.
Where am I left within all of that I am unsure. 

 Good night of playing music and listening to others music also.

Picked up some tiny pie-punpkins,
going to carve them intricately with designs and see! if I can find!
some small candles to stick into them.
Will post up any progress of that.

Any neg crap posted
probably does come from
that on social media sites I do get
banned or  censored or
even like on that tumblr place
which probably obviously I do not
belong
nor would fit in with
my entire account gets marked as
sensitive content
when it is just the same content type
that I post here.
And posts over on there
by other users are
often deranged or far far more
"mark-able" as being sensitive content.

So I bring that kind of
slumpy pissed feeling
rightfully so I think.

But being too negative
from having things going on in life
and it being applied to places or
scenes or moments where it doesnt fit in
the best or need to happen,
I realized that about playing out or
such, you know.. like thinking certain things,
when or if you  say hi to people or introduce
yourself,
and they stare at the lights, all that.
That builds you to be, you know,
makes you foibled.
But you have to count the good, too.

Just for every 5 uplifting things,
you know, it's typically the one cruddy thing,
like someone downing you just because--
that kind of things sticks, typically.

But I got back lateish.
It's 11 PM now. Making a late dinner.
Just want more understanding in the world,
on the globe.
However sometimes feeling agitated is nice,
before playing a song, for the reason of playing a song,
and all such.

Also I like to be in my own space a lot of the time.
In my own zone I guess you'd say.

Still anyway I learned some things today.
With building up to some better paths. 

Unnecessary hasty judgements made I do not want to be
applied permanently to. 
I feel it to be just to have said or made such statements though
without altering histories or pretending as such things do not happen.
The ability to change and learn and have proof of differentiation is important.
And to always be held accountable or written as pasts seems very well
a strange and unfit composure of the way of being,
thankfully I am willing to take the chances and the risks
I would say
of transparency and changing frameworks to best align to a suitable now.

Chilling in my Tomb

 

"Chilling in my Tomb" Monday, July 12, 2021

tumblr and its quick reminder of why

I told you about mirrors against mirrors
And crystalized sight
How to hold open a door
but not to eat the light

Mauling List October 2023

 

 

0:00 Intro
0:19 "HEY[You in the BOX]" preview
2:07 Guitar Interlude
2:24 this is the church this is the steeple open the doors and
2:56 "The Betrayal" preview
4:17 "July Ice" preview
5:10 "Been to Smokey Hills" preview
6:14 interlude top pop classics songs staying
6:23 "Darlin' Ms. Invisible" preview
7:22 the very memerable Tomorrow's Forever
7:41 "Tomorrow's Forever Instrumental" preview
8:49 "Grey Drift" preview
9:39 interlude to No World Order re-release
9:53 "Frustrations in the Morning" preview
11:39 "Petals Vs. Slugs" preview
12:25 "Dead End Town" preview
12:43 no this is not nu-metal or rap rock
12:46 "Wrong Dimension" preview
13:24 blood on the hams all along the ribracks
13:30 "Too Many Enemies" preview
14:09 we dont say that kind of cuss
14:20 "Energy Drinks Don't Do it for me" preview
14:27 Reckless Recluse is out and song development hopefully eh
14:53  old old unreleased sound but there's lots anyhow
15:29 this wasn't promoting anything at all after all
15:37 end chapter

Wanted to see how it would be to do a VIDEO version of the
"Mauling List."
Mauling List, or--- "MAULING LIST" was an email newsletter I had going
during tha mutha f*%kin' time that these albums were worked on and put out.
So I thought it would be the PROPER thing to do, to resurrect that idea but into video form.

I'd released full mp3s (as we were all very generous and also wanted to share and eager to do so) in the independent musicians dial up era of the web.

So while this is a P-R-O-M-O for some music, and there are samples of what's on the albums I was hoping to make it fun.
"Are we having fun yet!" - Garfield, that's right, the cat, once said that.  
Then he started walking upright and that was just weird after that.

this post is also here with audio samples of full songs (from pop classics of the astral realm)