It would be good to keep Terra from becoming a hell hole.

You have to idealize mental responsibility at the forefront to be able to approach that.

If you can see out right now, the "moral compass" is in a heavy churning out of projection. Complete projection, it's always _____ keeping me down from getting fit or healthy, it's always ______ keeping me from being my best self.

And people start saying "fuck accountability, or "fuck _____ and fuck _____,

and it is this let it slip off my shoulder mentality of filled egos and brooding jackass behavior. Cold, loud people wanting that giant badge for being a humanitarian or change-agent yet having something obviously cold and screwed up in their soul, or held over their heart.

That validation to act in the ways they advertise themselves as being against.

Self-awareness would break this but chops at the identity they built up to go along playing.

Because at the end it is always someone else's fault why they're behind.

But junk thought tipped the scales.

And it's all about you and only you, what everybody thinks of you.

They wouldn't preach all that if people weren't looking at them.

If the spotlight wasn't on them it would be something else to get espousal and acceptance over.

Many "major" movements today that keep the façade of "grace" and social change are fads and one side is this holier than thou cult or religion in which the deities can be routed to funding by the same ones also seen as the evil or that which should be fought against.

There is a cruelty and snakeishness behind these types,

because if solution would actually rear its head or open its pathway, it wouldn't be enough. It is the problem that is the high in that identity, that mentality. People will create things to be perpetual victims or to hone in more spotlight upon themselves and again, if the attention wasn't on them it would be an entirely different career of avoiding any real and true work upon the self.

Naturally it cannot work that much longer as such. and for the human spirit, all of this commotion will bust, something will blow in that machine. Because it is an inorganic aim. And a very materialism based new religious zeal. I don't have any sides in it because I think they're/you're all crazy frankly. I have to be somewhat myself to risk viewing such, when the common step is to jump into a side, a tribal group, and placate safety and want moreover than anything some acceptable or hoorah.

It's coming closer to see though that the opinion or truth of "mostness" really does deny that true and very painful beginning of true work onto the self. You're going to offend somebody no matter what by taking part of that, unless you are completely dismissed from the world, but you are not going to at all make a career out of it. Or ever want to.

  CERN & a populace frequency.

Separate Hade from Fulfilment,
and the down world from Instillment.

Aware and Seeing 
is a heavy carriage
Push Attributes
to survive
Alchemical Marriage
To be unburdened, Thrive.

Clearer translations
Of Characters we keep
Or Growing Viewpoints
Grasping the steep

I can handle it
whatever you throw
I've been through hell
In ways you know
because it's a space of mind
and even the golden dawn
had been replaced
by a greed spilled yawn

and evolution should be the aim

The Dragon

 An opportune crescendo

adding up an event gallery

Migraine migraine Ow Ow Ow

 

 Much of my life's ongoings I will write as  truth and publish as fiction,

And reading as fiction you will say is too outlandish to believe.






Now if I can get to hand-writing and hand-styling things,

And not dwell even in the face of the worst, or fate of all things,


See, if I try to tell those ongoings in real life then who would believe?
You can't explain that much in so little time,
and have to cut off excuses or the heaviness of it all at some point.

It's just between all of the paper work and office sittings,
and studying of the motions and responses to living.

Somewhere there itself is life which does not take resume.
It does not take nostalgia or embracing studies or doing anything
that is not the present, factual, breathing of the alive.

The right now to doing.
The creation, the spurious,
most of all what all of most are  fearful of,
The Heartfelt.

It is not cool, and postured.
It's clumsy and scraped,
a thing at any time.
The professional world can't count it out,
We aren't absolved because we "check in,"
to remove or numb the heritage of the energy of inspiration.

What others study
You must DO. 

 The world almost killed me,

But that wasn't the world,
It was just a misunderstanding,
And now I'm off to Kindness.

Or it may seem rough to you,
May seem like anything at all,

But I read words from a stranger
And saw Heart and Soul,
And it was Heart and Kindness,
that's the most daring and tough!
& That saved me not just for my day
But for my life. 

0312

I was getting dragged down by the crazies

And have a whole life ahead of me

So don't need to be dragged down by the crazies

Dont get clenched and held down and locked in by the negative

 having my father's girlfriend be very cruel, trying to be nothing but peaceful to her but is withholding the ashes and urns from me and his family out of state.
I purchased and delivered the urns to the funeral home.
I had them split into smaller urns and one for her. 
She  took them and is acting nasty and outlandish.
A whole saga to likely re-write and tell later on, but I never knew people could be cruel as such.
Told me I have no life, and is withholding his ashes and urns from his own family.
If she loved him like she claims then she would not be mad and make targets out of everybody possible who my father knew.
Well I live a heck of a life any how. Presently dealing with her sending things to my house hold, also, to 'tease me' about not getting the urns  shipped out.

Such ideas that cruelness and nastiness may exist is a deep study of human character. Empathy cannot be painted on.
I had my highs and lows with my father and both lived trepidations of survival and experience.
It is very dishonorable however to try and emotionally torture his family.

I'd never, also, had to file a restraining order in my life but it looks this may be a new go of that experience.
This person who is being so mean and cruel, physically assaulting people my father had worked with, I suppose in my life I really live the unbelievable when it comes to challenge and trepidation. Much of it I don't even retell any more and just live through it,
having like 8 intense things concurrently keeping me busy in life.  

We offered peace, and tried to understand. But sometimes evil itself paints itself as goodness.
"Figure out the cats," too, she said. Emotionally unravelling a manipulative twisting to cause as much pain to people who are trying to heal themselves.

So many accounts from others unto who she's honed in on and attacked as well.  And I wonder, dad, did you have to live with this too. I don't know. I didn't do a damn thing to this person and the idea of getting anything legal involved, you know, cease harassment, and you know, get the urns back to the funeral home so the family can have a service, to go somewhere meaningful and scatter the ashes.

It's all pretty screwed up. I want some breath and recover and some peace. It was enough all before this. It was enough before I was to know he passed away, like-- life itself, was hounded and full of thing after thing.
Then the process of him passing away, and now, still havent unto that, this person trying to fuck with people's heads. To pull others into a dark dwelling.
Well I hope this person considers the heart, and finds a lighter place. And stops trying to deepen into traumatic leverage and hurt those already hurt. It is a weak and mean and unheard of thing to do. So go within and take the anger and the pain and do not put it onto those severely already going through it.
Be productive and look to building, not constantly tearing down, or throwing salt, or bringing suffering to those trying to just fairly live a life itself.   

dad passed away in dec, having had to fight to even get his ashes back. states away.

& Jeff's just passed.

I get a lot of scolding &hate for me being me. Probably illegal now.
Eyes open and cry on no one, & keep a heart while vilified.

Still fighting for my music rights back&so on.

Nowhere to turn to much of the time.

So let me figure some things out.

&Don't translate very well to social media. & I think it turned things very backwards cognitively and socialwise. I'm better off to being out there on my feet or finding myself where others don't go. and thinking it out there.

Reset