the 7 month idea

 Vitamin C and no more visits to nerve specialists. They're pulverizers & I'd like a consonant of healing. What blimey charades!

Anyway who could make skydiving look so easy? From always standing on the ground--
It's my duty to now and forward always listen to my mind and body. If a person becomes a pay check for the LOA of industry-healing, it's like your fed a little sugar every time, then when lured in, blammed by a mallot of new ailments to mouth feed and supplement, by state, for time and money and bodily investment.
Well I feel blathered from all of that. No specialists or experts, what a toss of it all. You hear giggling in the hallways and loud chatter and its from the workers themselves in medical center hallways. And you count your thoughts and sit in stillness, figuring when anesthesia ain't used in the process. Go on 4 months of the left side of your whole head coming and going with nerve bullshit, cantankerous from the first dentist's fuck up. It's okay, look at the bright side. If you pull through this one without that nerve damage crud, and learn and go on sooner without repeat returns to places that butcher and slog you up more and more, you wind up on the right side of getting out. Rebuilt into a better peace.
But man I'm not sure into this medical industry contemplation any more. I'm losing more sleep. My ear is ringing and banging. The ENT gathered up a camera on a wire, and thats the no anesthesia part. Reading after the visit on the typical shouldnt and precautions, seeing how many are and have been skipped in all of these common routines I'd been chairman to, well you hit the back of my throat and tonsil. Careless and mad in new york, medical transplants with acreages to pay. Teether the patient. Let's get em something to come back and return for. Walk out worse off than ya walked in. Cant you hire a hobo to punch ya in the gut and get all about the same? Days after Samhain, too, all of this. Well it brought me back to being laid out in bed and writing this. I erased some other writings when in some zone or mode. really hankering it out. Looking back, should have let them stay. But darker sarcasms. The intent behind them all is just fair play nutrition of existing. But the 'systems' keep trying to speed up their steam rollers and aim right freaking toward me. Walking in front of them voluntarily, however, such as my visit to the ENT, wasn't wise. Wasn't smart at all! I learned. Moment they said the dentist fuck up had nothing to do with my ear pain was when I should have walked out. Legal priorities of satiated contracted of social hospitality left a person to say "I'll see where this leads." Which is to here. More time taken away. More time trying to heal but with worse nerve pain now. Cayuga medical, yeah imagine if you tried to badmouth them, how many scholarly tanks would come soaring. Too big a name to jab at really, isn't it? Well them and tompkins dental could find better training and skillset and care for patients. If this is permanent nerve damage then I'm fucked. But nothing should be impossible for relevant healing. If its permanent nerve damage though, and its going to be 4+ months soon, I can at least be a voice for myself about the parties that allow slip ups. I'd rather write about other things. I'm rehabilitating animals. but also myself now because of this.

And have a keyboard to try to fun around with and program, which has acoustic based response for its keys and a sound chip that was supposed to be a step up from that one I'd really leaned on for atmospheric explorations for, well, near 17 years now. Just need to dip into the learning curve of its new track mode. Sort of play them one, program track, and again, then they're all layered and saved, only at the end with sound cues hit in for each instrument. Then streaming them straight into the program.. so that there is always a back up copy stored on the keyboard, and if levels "clip" then its okay. Just re-play it into the recording software at a lower level. No tragic loss of clipping. And can separate each instrument layer into its own track, just match the tail end sound cues up. But with drifting, maybe I have 200+ sound... no, 905+ being lenient, audio atmospheres that could have the drifting issue. Which means the percussion is off a small bludgeon.

Other instruments like air instruments of piano or this or that, theres a lot more room for error. Regardless, that's the system used for multi-layering tracks. And I just need to see how the keyboard with the newer system does that exact same intended process.

Maybe it even has more tracks to program, because the one I'm used to capped out at 6. But had been wonderful for what it was. And playing in that realm of keyboard atmospheres with "real enough" sounding backdrops, especially the Tabla drum, its just plain fun to build up scores to, or blueprints for organic instruments to layer atop of. But Im sitting here and my ear is pulsing again and I want it to go away. My opting to at the moment say "Go Ahead" and the dentist I never met before at the practice I had gone to for several years, went ahead. And that was the beginning of leading up to---this. The filling that didnt NEED to be replaced, was. And now, further pains from the dentist. And now.. the ENT visit jarred my throat up some and made the multi month nerve pulsing pissing me off pain more agitated and I get to be all miserable and further isolated, trying to do whatever I can just just think this will go away and I can get on from it. I leer away from professionals now. Good lord they terrify me. Good lord I could have just walked away from this but didnt know what would happen. We think things should go smooth with people who work intricate jobs dealing with human nerves. I dont know. I mean I feel a hospital offed my grandfather with ventilators and also "forgetting" to give him food (several times) so I am biased in ways, when experiencing it personally and also personally.

If I feel better and heal and can get onto other stuff I will hope I can look back and think I had learned a thing or two. And to always self-medicate, to not go looking for any hands on or touched upon me actions by anybody else at all at this point. The medical industries and the local branches of unprofessional procedures and attitudes and results of being damaged unto this shit will hopefully wisen me up, though obviously my cynicism will carry on like a blight light of high bright, the brightest lamp held firm for ages. I'll probably even become religious. So regardless, that is what I have been up to. Deep deadened eyes and this numbing actual frightening pain at my nerves.

Some more "character building" in this life experience it really seems. Yuh Angels of Mercy with softest hands, more caressing and less squeezing.

How bout for everyone, some better type of go?